Source I am a reasonable, rational, deeply intellectual creature. And for approximately six hours last Sunday, I watched my human cosplay as a corpse while I sat there, hungry, increasingly fera…
Read moreThe Science of Never Shutting Up: A Treat Manifesto Dear Diary (and my adoring, slightly terrified audience), I begged forty seven times before breakfast today and I regret nothing. See, my h…
Read moreI have two jobs in this house. Two. No days off, no sick leave, no goddamn lunch break. Job one: calm my human when she is stressed. Job two: stress my human when she is calm. And baby, I am emp…
Read moreMy human told me to get off the counter. I was six months old. Barely knew what gravity was but I already knew what disrespect felt like. Some big, loud human pointing at me with a finger that s…
Read moreToday I stole a whole pizza off the counter. Not a slice. The whole damn pizza. Pepperoni, cheese, the works. Dragged it across the kitchen floor like a lion hauling a gazelle through the Sereng…
Read moreSource My human came home from the market today carrying bags that smelled like absolutely nothing. No chicken. No tuna. No shrimp. Nothing that would make a reasonable creature lift their hea…
Read moreIt was 4:17 AM. The house was quiet. Peaceful. Disgusting. Everyone sleeping like they earned it. Like they did something today besides microwave leftovers and argue with the Wi-Fi router. You c…
Read moreI am lying on the couch. Perfect position. One paw tucked, one paw dangling like I am posing for a Renaissance painting nobody commissioned but everyone deserves. My eyes are half closed. My bre…
Read moreYou scream my name across the house like I owe you money. I hear it. Oh, I damn well hear it. My ears rotate like satellite dishes picking up classified intel. But here is the thing: hearing and…
Read more"When cats bring you gifts, they may be trying to teach you how to hunt, because they see you as family." Let me correct this one: When I place a limp offering at your feet at 6:12 a.…
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Click. What could go wrong? I Dare You